Good Things About Bronchitis

I’ve never had bronchitis before. Actually, I haven’t had to go to a doctor for an illness since I was in high school. At least five years ago. AT LEAST. So yesterday when I realized that 1) I was too ill to work and 2) too ill to drive home for Christmas, I decided that maybe it was time to go to the Urgent Care center.

Bronchitis is not fun. Being sick is not fun. But I made a list of the upsides of being sick, in a house by yourself (or with one of your wonderful roommates), for at least two days. I really like lists.

1. The only person to care what you look like is you. Unless you smell, then your roommate might care a little. But she’s not trying to bone you, and you can always put on another layer of blankets or a sweatshirt. Smell be gone!
2. There is an excuse to sit and watch the whole first season of any show—maybe The Mindy Project. By the way, that show is absolutely hysterical, ammmiright Robin? Psst—that’s my roommate, let’s see if she reads this.
3. Guilt free endless consumption of chai tea lattes and hot chocolate. And in some cases, guilt free consumption of chai chocolate lattes (literally the greatest thing I have ever created).
4. NAPS FOR HOURS ON END. I was prescribed codeine, and let me tell you, two teaspoons of that stuff put me out like a light. When I wasn’t watching The Voice (thanks, HuluPlus, for more shows to kill time with), I was comfortably passed out in my bed in some of the most restful sleep I have gotten in weeks.
5. You can make a nest for yourself. I set up shop on one end of the couch, made sure I had my computer, charger, phone, and phone charger, halls cough drops, my medicine, food, hot chocolate, space heater, blanket, etc. and did not move unless I needed more chai or hot chocolate. Or had to pee.
6. This always happens. I make lists. I never have enough to make an even number. So there is always this awkward last subject on the list that means nothing. 

Douchebag of the Week: The Coughing Douchebag 

This is the guy (or girl) that shows up to class or work sick as hell with a cough that sounds like it has the potential to infect everyone with some unknown disease that could potentially turn everyone into a zombie. I know, he or she is a responsible student. Having bronchitis, I’m aware the only way to stop those treacherous coughing fits is to take a prescribed amount of a strong narcotic and pass the fuck out. But dear lord jesus, please spare us all from the mutating virus that is spewing from your disease-laden facial orifice and TAKE A DAY OFF. Douchebag.