My Argument for Red Lipstick, But Actually Mostly Just About Douchebags

Recently, I have decided that I really enjoy red lipstick or some variation of it. Why? Oh let me tell you.

It almost always leads to a compliment of some sort. I think it's because adding any red hue to an outfit makes it look like you tried harder. Honestly, I use it as a cop out if I don't really want to try on my eye make-up. 

Yep, that's it for my argument. My douchebag of the week rant is pretty extensive and I just really wanted to share that red lipstick has gotten me compliments in the past couple weeks.

Also I LOVE MY NEW INTERNSHIP AND I CAN'T WAIT TO GRADUATE FROM COLLEGE AND BE DONE WITH SCHOOL FOREVER. FOR.EV.ER. THEN I GET TO BE A GROWN UP. PRAISE THE LORD. Sorry. I'm done getting excited. On to Douchebag of the Week, which is actually kind of turned into Douchebag of the Month. Whoops. 

Douchebag of the Week: "You Deserve a Great Guy" Douchebag

The past couple of weeks I've had a few run-ins with this particular douche. Generally, this individual is a guy who has dated or at least considered the idea of dating a particular girl. Then somewhere along the way (at least in order to be this particular douche) the guy stops considering the girl and it just kind of fizzles out. In this scenario there might be a few biting retorts or eye rolls but in general it's pretty tame. It's been a few weeks, maybe even months, and these two individuals are on a friendly (read: not touching each other AT ALL) basis. At this point, said male thinks that he is on good enough terms with said female to tell her the following: "You deserve a great guy."

Time out. 

Let's look at the implications of that statement. That's right, it's list time.

1.  The douchebag is making the claim that he is not the great guy you deserve. Are we (as females) supposed to feel bad for you?
2. If you know that this girl deserves a great guy, then why didn't you try to be the great guy she apparently (and probably) deserves, hm? If she does deserve a great guy, douchebag, then that would imply that she is indeed a great girl. If she is a great girl, then WHY did you stop considering her?
3. I'm watching He's Just Not That Into You, and in one of the 'confessional' scenes two women make a joke about a guy saying "I'm jealous of the man that marries you." Promptly followed by, "Well, that could have been you!" This is my point.
4. Always the damn odd numbered list. Pointless even numbered point.

Dear "You Deserve A Great Guy" Douchebag,

I don't care if that's really how you feel. No one cares if that's how you really feel. Just DON'T SAY IT. PLEASE. Do the entire female population a favor, please. Also note this is not an excuse to be mean to any girls, either. Be friends. Be nice. Refrain from ambiguous compliments. Be the great guy that a great girl deserves.

2013--The Year My Whole Life Changes. Literally.

I don't usually get into the whole 'new year, new you' deal, but sometimes things just align so nicely with the start of the year that you can't help but make the connections. I'm not saying that all of the changes need to happen on January 1st, but I am saying that changes you know are coming within that year or within the first few months seem especially real once the clock no longer reads 11:59pm on December 31st. 

The following things are all happening or will happen to me within the first two months of 2013:

1. Leaving job at the beloved wing franchise, which now I'm actually really sad about leaving. 
2. Starting a big girl internship and, in the words of my boss, "learning how to run a box office."
3. I finish COLLEGE. I finish SCHOOL. The end. Forever. Let us pray.
4. My golden birthday! I turn 22 on February 22nd. What's the big deal about a golden birthday? I don't know, but I will probably use it as an excuse to drink gold Jose (not to be confused with the more expensive silver label Jose Cuervo--pure class).

These are all significant in the first two months of 2013.

Guess what? All of these significant things happen because of the other, with the exception of my birthday I guess. That always happens. Either way, I am leaving the wing franchise after a short employment time there which is pretty sad because the people that work there are fantastic. The patrons can be awful but life is a lot better when you have 10 other people to make fun of the fat slob in the Favre jersey (keep in mind, it's the Packer jersey). However, I'm leaving the serving world for this internship with a minor league baseball team, which starts January 16th. I'll be in the box office, building a ticketing system from scratch, and learning how to run a sports box office. HOW AMAZING will that look on a resume? Lezzzbehonest.. badass. So badass. BAMF, if you will. Alright, sorry. I'm done. 

I am officially done at Augustana College on February 14th. Valentine's Day. Romantic, right? SCHOOOOOOL'S OUT FOREVAAAAA. 

All of this I will accomplish before I'm 22. On February 22. BOOM. I'm going to make sure everyone is aware of this because I think it's fantastic. I'm ego-tripping hardcore. This is what happens when I get on a rant about my professional life. We will refrain from my personal life at this point in time though. Haa jokes for days! 

Douchebag of the Week: One-Up Douchebag

You found $20 today? Cool, this douchebag found $20 and got a free latte. You got a free latte today? That's awesome, but this douchebag got a free latte bought for her (girls can be douchebags too) and asked on a date by the man who bought her the free latte. You got an internship? I mean, that's great, but THIS douchebag got a job offer. Get the idea?

Dear One-Up Douchebag, while it's great you have such a super awesome life and you tell everyone about it all the time, you need to figure out a way to share your glorious life without making it sound like you are better than everyone. You are not better than everyone. Actually, I bet there is a big black void in your heart that you try to fill by telling everyone how great your life is when actually you are vastly unhappy and you have a black heart. Was that mean? Yes... but so very true.