My Argument for Red Lipstick, But Actually Mostly Just About Douchebags

Recently, I have decided that I really enjoy red lipstick or some variation of it. Why? Oh let me tell you.

It almost always leads to a compliment of some sort. I think it's because adding any red hue to an outfit makes it look like you tried harder. Honestly, I use it as a cop out if I don't really want to try on my eye make-up. 

Yep, that's it for my argument. My douchebag of the week rant is pretty extensive and I just really wanted to share that red lipstick has gotten me compliments in the past couple weeks.

Also I LOVE MY NEW INTERNSHIP AND I CAN'T WAIT TO GRADUATE FROM COLLEGE AND BE DONE WITH SCHOOL FOREVER. FOR.EV.ER. THEN I GET TO BE A GROWN UP. PRAISE THE LORD. Sorry. I'm done getting excited. On to Douchebag of the Week, which is actually kind of turned into Douchebag of the Month. Whoops. 

Douchebag of the Week: "You Deserve a Great Guy" Douchebag

The past couple of weeks I've had a few run-ins with this particular douche. Generally, this individual is a guy who has dated or at least considered the idea of dating a particular girl. Then somewhere along the way (at least in order to be this particular douche) the guy stops considering the girl and it just kind of fizzles out. In this scenario there might be a few biting retorts or eye rolls but in general it's pretty tame. It's been a few weeks, maybe even months, and these two individuals are on a friendly (read: not touching each other AT ALL) basis. At this point, said male thinks that he is on good enough terms with said female to tell her the following: "You deserve a great guy."

Time out. 

Let's look at the implications of that statement. That's right, it's list time.

1.  The douchebag is making the claim that he is not the great guy you deserve. Are we (as females) supposed to feel bad for you?
2. If you know that this girl deserves a great guy, then why didn't you try to be the great guy she apparently (and probably) deserves, hm? If she does deserve a great guy, douchebag, then that would imply that she is indeed a great girl. If she is a great girl, then WHY did you stop considering her?
3. I'm watching He's Just Not That Into You, and in one of the 'confessional' scenes two women make a joke about a guy saying "I'm jealous of the man that marries you." Promptly followed by, "Well, that could have been you!" This is my point.
4. Always the damn odd numbered list. Pointless even numbered point.

Dear "You Deserve A Great Guy" Douchebag,

I don't care if that's really how you feel. No one cares if that's how you really feel. Just DON'T SAY IT. PLEASE. Do the entire female population a favor, please. Also note this is not an excuse to be mean to any girls, either. Be friends. Be nice. Refrain from ambiguous compliments. Be the great guy that a great girl deserves.