Adult friendships are weird. I'm starting to realize this the longer I function as an 'adult.' I'm sure I'm not the first person to point out some parts of adult friendship that make it markedly different from college/high school/junior high/elementary school friendships but I'm just going to do it anyway. It's going to be a goddamn list because I like making lists and I'm not just making it for the ease of the reader and to get more page views or whatever so screw you buzzfeed my conscience is CLEAR.
1) You don't see your friends all the time.
In our school-age years, it was fairly likely that you would see all of your friends every day at school, and if you had a friend that moved away you wrote letters/emails. At some point you give up because without cars you're never going to see her again anyway, not that I speak from personal experience (sorry Allison). ANYWAY, I don't see my friends daily unless they are the ones I live with, and honestly I can go a couple days without seeing some of my roommates because we all have weird hourly jobs. It's hard to stay in touch that way and sometimes catching up with their lives on Facebook just feels so damn empty. You end up with more acquaintances than friends because it takes a lot of time to maintain communication with people you deeply care about.
2) "Hanging out" usually means "spend money with me"
Whether it's gas money, bus fare, or the cup of coffee you discuss your lives over, seeing your friends will cost money. It just happens. No one goes to someone's house just to hang out unless he or she one of your best friends (and you have like 1.5 of those because you're an adult) or there is a party happening.
3) "Hanging out" usually means "You get to wear clothes that aren't for work or bed!"
When I do see my friends, I try really hard to not look like shit. I try to wear all the clothes I bought in college. That's it. That's all for this point.
4) There are people that you will meet 27 times and they still won't know your face.
At least in high school you and the popular kids would avoid each other in Target because you both recognized each other. As an adult, I have met countless (mostly male) people that cannot comprehend I have been dating their friend for 6 months and we've met at approximately 9 different parties (3 of which happened prior to the relationship). Every then he's like "Oh so nice to meet you, I'm sure I'll see you around" when you're leaving and it's just, ugh. Forget my name, fine, but holy shit can you remember a face? At this point I've just started telling people point-blank that we've met before and they forgot I existed. It's a lot more enjoyable than the petty small talk that's happened a zillion times before.
5) Parties happen because everyone is actually lazy.
Parties happen because people like to go see all their friends, but making one on one plans with everyone is exhausting. I've can say from personal experience that I have made up reasons to throw a party just because I haven't seen people in a long time and I just don't have the drive to make plans with them. That doesn't make me a terrible person, though, because people are coming to that party because they don't have the motivation to schedule a coffee chat or whatever with the friends they'll see there. Have you ever noticed that no one has two successful parties in two weeks unless it's at a frat house?
6) Adult friendships exist for the big moments, good and bad.
As adults, we have our roommates and/or our significant others to share the little thoughts we have or minor things that happen throughout the day. If something happens that I think a friend will genuinely appreciate hearing about, I'll tell them. Otherwise, my daily events are reserved for my very patient boyfriend and/or roommates. I share the big moments with these guys too, but they fill in the daily spaces. Adult friends have as much time (or less) in the day that you do, so if they aren't inundating you with their daily meanderings they don't have time to deal with yours. These friends are here for the "I started my new job!/I just got dumped/I just quit my job/I'm moving in with my boyfriend!" phone calls and text messages.
That might be a very compartmentalized way to view friendships, but aside from your soulmate best friends you have to admit it's pretty accurate, right? Whatever it's my blog all 12 of you readers can shove it if you have a problem.
LIFE UPDATE
- I quit Mana.
- I'm back at Drybar on Fridays and Saturdays (which means Sundays off!).
- I still work at The Leukemia & Lymphoma Society.
- I'm going to Pittsburgh for the first time this weekend.
- I'm writing music reviews weekly for funeralsounds.com, so clearly that attempt at a music review went pretty well.
- A piece of my writing was published by The Note To Self Project, started by The Ally Coalition and Stay Here With Me which are both incredible organizations. You can find that here.
- I performed said piece at the very first show Roscoe Flatts has ever put on.
- My roommates and I started a house venue, called Roscoe Flatts.
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