Put the seat down. Even you, transgender folks.

I'm going to write about my biggest pet peeve because I can.

Leaving the toilet seat up. 

Before all of the men on the planet start a collective sigh eye roll grumble grunt series, hear me out.

First and most important point is that I only really consider it a pet peeve when it happens in a residence where women are living/working or a place of business. Visiting the boyfriend with all male roommates? Fine. I'll wrap my hand in toilet paper and put it down. Getting up in the morning in my own apartment and almost falling in because a boyfriend or another male acquaintance couldn't manage to aim without half an inch extra space? PREPARE YOURSELF BECAUSE YOU MIGHT DIE (if you are a male in my household). Commence Rage Blackout.

RAGE BLACKOUT

A special situation happened to me today while I was at the Caribou Coffee in Boystown (just visiting the old neighborhood). They have a sign on the door telling everyone to actually just use whichever bathroom they would rather identify with. This means, if you've got a peen and you feel like a woman, use the woman's bathroom. Today, I went to use the bathroom that is still marked WOMEN, and to my horror and absolute fury, the seat was up. NO. NO NO NO. I don't care if you have a dick and you want to use the women's bathroom. There are few things I could actually give less fucks about. But this individual just had to leave the seat up? Really?

Listen. Seventy-five percent of waste removal from the southern region of the body
requires having the seat down. Think about it. I'll make a chart. 

	Man	Woman
Number 1	Seat Up	Seat Down
Number 2	Seat Down	Seat Down

By numbers alone, having the seat down as the default wins.

This is my offer. If you need the seat up in a public place or in the home of females, just kick the damn seat back down when you're done and I won't start gluing toilet seats down. Deal?