I was going to write a post about New Year's and a whole bunch of bullshit about the art of letting go but then I decided that it was the least inspired thing I have written for this blog and I was writing for the sake of being entertaining and intellectual. I was going to be sentimental about all the things I 'learned' in 2013.
The truth is that 2013 was the hardest year of my life and I'm not going to hide that. It sucked. I met some truly amazing people that helped me through and made some incredibly strong friendships but holy shit it was awful. I had 3 different officially titled 'boyfriends' and each one was an emotional tyrannosaurus. Graduating from college before everyone else was hard; I missed a lot of moments that kept everyone else close. Moving away from all of my friends to a new city where I worked 80 hours a week made me the loneliest and most unhappy I had ever been. Going from being a bright and cheery-eyed activist that thought she could change the world to a wind and insult battered ex-canvasser broke my soul (and next time you pretend someone saving the whales is not a person remember I did that and someone like you made me cry). Not finding a job for a couple months, having to move back in with my parents, and watching all the people that helped me survive my first real job move away has been HARD. Watching my very best friend on the face of the planet get crushed over and over by the universe and asking me how she can possibly move forward from here and not having an answer was the worst moment of my life. Two people realizing they might have been soul mates and understanding it's not meant for this life is enough to break a person. That was my 2013. That is what stands out about it.
This is not a post looking for empathy. This is not a post looking for pity. People had harder years than I did and if this is the hardest year I will ever face, I will be one of the luckiest people to have ever lived. Just please don't question me when I'm not looking back on 2013 with a sparkle in my eye.
What I want to remember about 2013 are the people that let me call them in an anxiety attack or the people that I enjoyed being around so much that I would go to a house on a Sunday night just to listen to them talk and smoke and pause all the worries I had, even though they had no idea my best friend's mom just died and all I wanted to do was scream at the sky because I was too far away to do anything. What I want to remember about 2013 is that my family never let me fall apart. What I will remember of 2013 is that it was the year that made me write again, and it made me want to write more than just a blog. 2013 reignited my love of literature and of music.
New Year's Eve has always been one of my favorite holidays because it's magical. As much as I don't want to admit it, when I wake up on January 1st something feels different. So when I'm drinking another beer (or vodka cranberry, or glass of shitty wine, or some variation of champagne) with a smile on my face, know it's because I can finally tell 2013 to fuck off and it can't come back and hit me again.
I'm ending this with the "23" music video because I just want to remind everyone that I am still obnoxious and if you a lame that's a shame you can't hang with us. xoxo
Can anyone get me a pair of the underwear Miley has on?
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