Guys. I love positivity. The other day at work, my coworker and I were updating each other on all the shitty things that had happened since we last saw each other, and finally she asked me to say one good thing that's happened since we last worked together and I LOVED that. Absolutely.
However, I have noticed some social media things that make me want to punch babies, which is why I started off with a positive tidbit because this is not positive anymore. Numbers 1 and 2 are both from today.
1) There is a #StopThighGap movement (no movement is complete without a hashtag donchaknow). I didn't even know that was a real thing until everyone tried stopping it and I just want everyone to know that if you weren't born with wide hips and/or skinny legs the chances of you having a thigh gap are about the same as finding a unicorn on the back of a Sasquatch on their way to Atlantis. BEYONCE doesn't even have a thigh gap and if Beyonce doesn't have that, no one needs it. I just googled thigh gap and any single person that posted a picture saying "Do it for the thigh gap" and was serious deserves a punch in the ovaries. Actually, I've heard men talking about thigh gaps too. So, punch in the prostate for men. I think that would hurt, right?
Let me tell you how to get a thigh gap. Stand with your legs not touching. There's your fucking thigh gap.
2) This pastor with the blog called "I'm Dating Someone Even Though I'm Married" is pissing me off. It's by Jarrid Wilson. I'm not linking it here because I think it's dumb but if you must read it google will help. Anyway, SPOILER ALERT he's dating his wife. He takes his wife on dates. Time out. WHY is anyone applauding him for spending time with his wife? Congratulations, bro. You're choosing to be nice to the person that agreed to spend forever with you and now everyone is swooning about how great of a husband you are. MAYBE there's a reason the divorce rate is so high? MAYBE the standards for men in marriages are a bit low. I don't know. Maybe everyone started to see marriage as the finish line instead of a starting point. Like, phew, we're married now all of the work is done. And now there is a whole generation of women that are actually petrified of marriage (or just me but I'll continue anyway) because it sounds more like a death sentence than a new chapter of life.
Then we have assholes like this that stomp around the internet like a digital tyrannosaurus getting all sorts of attention for doing what he should have been doing the WHOLE TIME. ANGER.
3) This might be dumb but please tell my why everyone is so up in arms about this snapchat info leak? The only people I snapchat with know my phone number already... so... I'm confused. The only way you get weird snaps from random people is if you add them back. Like I have some randos that want me to add them on snapchat but I don't know them so I'm not going to accept their requests. Also, whole numbers aren't even leaked yet, right? If you thought snapchat was a foolproof way to send 'private' pictures I actually kind of hope your pictures get leaked too. Most of my snapchats are about cats or wine. The only questionable snapchat I've sent was on New Year's Eve because I drunkenly sent a poorly angled picture while wearing a low-cut dress and it wasn't even that bad. I sent it to my mom amongst many others anyway. I'm pretty convinced all the outraged people are either Republicans or sending nudey pic snaps. Or both. HAH.
4) I just really don't like odd number lists unless they are in increments of five. I think this must be why I've never been great at math because I just don't like odd numbers. Odd numbers and raccoons. Speaking of, I haven't seen a raccoon since I moved to Chicago and now I am terrified of what will happen when I see one again. The thought alone makes my chest tight and I think I have hives now.
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