I really need to be a writer. I mean, I am a writer. But I want to make a living making art.
THAT'S ALL I WANT TO DO WHY CAN'T SOMEONE PAY MY BILLS WHILE I DO THAT?
Alright, I'll stop having a temper tantrum. I'm working on a book but I can't really share what I have now in its entirety because the best piece I've written will get me in loads of trouble. I don't really have a whole lot to report on my life (dating strike is still going strong) so I am going to share some writing that I just did. This is a pretty lazy post and what I'm sharing isn't my favorite piece of writing but I've been thinking a lot about busy minds and soulmates, so this is what happened. This is a first draft that I'm sharing so if you think it sucks you should tell me but also have some notes for christ's sake. No one likes the asshole that offers criticism without being constructive, right? Also it's 3AM WHOOPS.
Some Days I Wish for Silence
Some days I wish for silence. I wish that I could sit in
absolute silence for a sliver of time but my head buzzes and vibrates with
unfinished sentences and fill-in-the-blank phrases that I will complete and
forget before I even get the chance to write them down. It’s okay, because I’ll
think of more and on occasion I’ll write one down or the mood will strike me to
report them all to the glowing screen that knows all my secrets. Night after
night I roll out my soul, hoping that if I stretch it far enough apart to see
the words etched there it might be enough for a moment of solitude on the
recoil.
I do not wish for a silent world because a writer is nothing
if the world is quiet. A quiet world and a loud head are always a sign of
impending doom, haven’t you noticed? The world is loud and if one day it isn’t,
something is terribly wrong. Some days I wish for a silent mind. I wish for the
silence that can only be brought by the intertwining of two souls bound
together in seemingly all the wrong points. There are lots of different ways to
define soulmates and it’s foolish to think we only ever have one. A soulmate
does not make the world around you silent, a soulmate makes the world inside
you stop. He can be miles away but you feel the loudness in his head and it is
only matched with the constant repetition of the lines you need him to hear
that aren’t quite right. She can be falling apart hours away and you feel
reminders that she is suffering like deep stabs all the way through your
tightly recoiled soul. He can touch your face at 5am while you’re wrapped like
a cheap present and even though everything is wrong your sentences were all
complete and the blanks were all filled in. She can lay at the other end of the
couch without saying a word and you’ll have no blanks to fill in or sentences
to complete because right then you have everything you need and the world will
carry on but for now she is okay and you are okay.
Soulmates will hide from you and soulmates will not return
your calls because you are one of the few that hear the falter in the cadence
of “I’m okay” or see the cracks in the
arrogant façade. A soulmate does not have to stretch your soul to recognize the
tears and find the words that have been etched because soulmates have tears and
holes in the same places from different days. Some days I wish for silence but
a soulmate knows the most beautiful things can only come from the buzzing in your
head.
Okay the end. It's relatively short. Also, I have one request at the end of this post. If you read my blog frequently (don't laugh, there are some of you out there) it would be really, super cool if you could share on the internet your favorite post I've written because networking. Or the most recent, but I doubt this will be a favorite of very many individuals.
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