I usually have Mondays off anyway

For those of you that do not regularly read my blog (you suck) I live in Chicago. This is not going to be a post about the cold, I promise. It feels like it's -35 degrees outside though, according to the Weather Channel app I have in case anyone was wondering. A lot of people have snow days from work. I just usually have Mondays off but I acted like I had a snow day. It's 6:43pm and I have done nothing except snuggle with stuffed animals and watch Walking Dead. And last night my roommate and I got drunk and watched RuPaul's Drag Race. #postgradlyfe 

This is a post about how I think I am more concerned about the apocalypse than I should be and I might blame that on too much Walking Dead, Hunger Games, and a wild imagination I have yet to (read: never will) outgrow.

Last night I slammed my finger in my car door (I promise this is related). I was told by my mother via text that I need to go start my car before the Polar Vortex. I started to clear my car off with frozen hands because it was already sub-zero when I went to start my car last night. As I slammed my back door shut and walk away I realized my hand was still in the door. Happy January. So I open the door back up and pull my hand out. At this point I am 90% certain my finger is broken. The FIRST thought to cross my mind was not "Good thing the hospital is literally across the street." It was not "I should call Dad and see what to do." It wasn't even "Goddamnit you're an idiot Ashlee." It's weird it wasn't the last one because I usually feel that way all the time. 

No, the first thought that came to mind was, "If the world ends tomorrow in a deepfreeze and I have a broken finger, how am I going to be useful in a post-apocalyptic world?" I think my roommate is concerned about my mental state. But then I felt a bit relieved because if the world ends I'm down the street from a fire station and seeking shelter in a fire station is probably the best place to go because what fireman will look at another firefighter's daughter and not help her? WIN.

Today, during the coldest temperatures Chicago has seen in 20 years, I called my best friend and left her a voicemail. In that voicemail I informed her that if today we deepfreeze into the end of the world that I will make sure I come find her, so if she does any traveling she should stick to I-88 because that's how I will get to her.

I really question if this is normal behavior. But in Game of Thrones all the dreadful things are hidden in the snow and ice so can you really blame me? And after my Walking Dead binge that is still in progress (Season 3 Ep. 6) I can't help but think about what I would bring to the table in a group of people. I don't know if hoping some man will find my neuroticism endearing post-apocalypse is as good of a plan as it seems to be right now, you know? Quirky charm isn't going to save any lives. Telling everyone in the group I'm documenting our travels so I can write a book about it one day is not going to please anyone in the group, and if anyone else was pleased by that I probably just found a hoard of English majors and unless your name is Dr. Jason Peters most people that like English a lot are lacking survival skills. 

[Sidenote: If the worlds ends I want to be in Jason Peters' group because he can grow food, he's friends with Wendell Berry so the group could run away to Berry's farm, his kids are pretty crafty from the sounds of it, and he hates stupid people so I'd probably be the intellectual cutoff (AKA dumbest person allowed in the group). I'm not even being creepy here, guys. It's a great plan.]

Something else I've been thinking about lately is how screwed I will be if we have an actual zombie apocalypse. Everyone in Chicago will be a zombie if that happens. But if civilization breaks down without some awful plague, I'm going to be set. Gas runs out? It's okay I can walk. Out of food? Hang on let me grow it on top of this building or the empty lot next door. Out of water? I'll just boil some water from Lake Michigan.  I know I'll figure out how to start a fire or at least find someone who can. Plus I still have a lot of matches because I bought too many one time in college. Chicago is the place to be when we run out of fossil fuels and everyone is mad at the Republicans for not wanting to spend more researching alternative fuels.

Other things happening in my life: I had a date. It was lovely. None of you get details here because why would I do that? Dumb. HOODIE ALLEN CALLED ME ON FRIDAY. I direct your attention to my Twitter, Facebook, and/or Instagram because I had a social media freakout. I went outside in the cold today just to see what -35 degrees feels like. In case you were wondering, it feels cold. I submitted a real form of writing to Thought Catalog so we'll see if they ever respond. I have written two actual pieces that are not for the blog since I decided I need to keep writing and the second one needs a lot of work still. But we'll get there. The end.

Also if you like my blog and I don't know you I just made my Twitter a public thing because I guess I don't really care who reads my tweets; I am ridiculous no matter what. So go there (right here) and enjoy.